"I hold back, sometimes I won't.
I feel good, sometimes I don't."
Those words, from the Drake song "God's Plan" have been stuck in my head for weeks, along with the words that close the refrain:
I know Drake isn't talking about motherhood. In fact, I'm certain he's talking about a life much different than anything I can relate to. But something in it catches me-- his acceptance of his own contrasts, something I try to embrace in myself.
"I hold back, sometimes I won't."
There are days when I hold back-- the things I really want to say, the things I really want to do. And sometimes, I won't let that-- or anything-- stop me from doing or saying what needs to be done or said. It's okay, all of it.
"I feel good, sometimes I don't."
I really love being a mom, and sometimes it feels good and sometimes it doesn't. I love my life, and sometimes I feel on top of the world and sometimes I feel "blah". All of those things are okay.
And still, I keep going. And still, I don't quite have it all figured out. And still, I try. And still, it's beautiful.
At the start of the video (which is incredible, so watch it as soon as you're done reading this) there's footage of a man, maybe he’s a little drunk or maybe something about him is just slightly different, but he’s happily screaming "It's a good life! It's a good life! That's it. That's it. Yeah!"
And I hear his voice and just know he's speaking truth.
It's a good life. It's a good life. That's it. And still.